If it wasn’t for a good old-fashioned argument between bad boy Brendan Cole and imported judge Craig Revel-Horwood, and some skimpy costumes, last night’s show would have been a pretty dull affair.
It should have been a great night. The contestants were dancing the Tango and the Jive. The Tango is an exotic spectacle with staccato movements, but no rise and fall as the entire dance is done with bent knees. If you want to strengthen your quads this is the dance for you. The Jive on the other hand is a fun dance with lots of energy and excitement so I had high hopes for the evening. As it was it turned out to be a pretty bland and lacklustre evening with mainly mediocre performances and music.
Can anyone tell me what the story is with Candy Lane? She’s a very slim gal but I noticed that red dress showed a small stomach and was a bit tight on her rear. Is she pregnant or does TVNZ need to have a word with their costume department? Miss Prozac has been sniffing around the dressing rooms, hoping for a wee discard of Brendon the Body’s to sleep with at night, and has heard no rumours about the newly wed Candy Lane being in the family way.
Greer Robson & Aaron Gilmore
Jason Gunn says Greer Robson has packed her angry face for the arrogant feisty Tango. She certainly looked the past in a gorgeous black costume with dark red sequins. Very much the Spanish doll, but unfortunately she smiled too much. The Tango is a haughty dance and smiles are not part of the characterisation. She did some nice lifts but she didn’t have the staccato body movement.
Aaron Gilmore made an unusual choice of tango music with Sorry by Madonna. It could have been a great tune but it didn’t match the routine which was too ladylike and lacked the fire needed for Tango. Despite this Aaron Gilmore said it was the best Tango, Greer Robson has done.
- Judge Craig said he was bored. The dance lacked drama, strength and aggression. No story or chemistry. I think I have to agree with him there.
- Brendan Cole. They learned the dance well, but it was lacking conviction of movement and topline. Ended well but should have been that way throughout.
- Carol Ann – reasonable but her feet were a bit untidy, and her head should have been to the left. Alison said that there should have been a closer hold and bent knees.
Judges scores: 5, 5, 4, 5 = 19
Michael Laws &
Lauren de BoeckMayor Michael told the audience he plans to have fun tonight. The rehearsals were interesting to watch as Mayor Michael argued with Lauren de Boeck who
showed that she’s a very determined woman, and not one to be intimidated by a stroppy male.
Michael Laws came onto stage with black pants, a white T-shirt and dark sunglasses. Miss Prozac was pleasantly impressed with his body until she found out he was wearing an undergarment to suck everything in.
He got off to a great start wiggling his bottom and taking off Lauren’s skirt to oldie track the Do Run Run song. Then he had to dance and things went downhill from there. Despite this it was one of his better performances including some great highlights and a cute lift where Lauren de Boeck picked up Michael a la Beatrice Faumuina. The dance lacked the energy necessary to the Jive and the footwork and timing was off but it was fun to watch.
- Craig said it was stompy and shambolic. The timing was appalling, and the movements lacked any form of control. The best part was when you ripped Lauren’s skirt off.
- Alison likened it to an accident on the motorway, irresistible but frightening.
- Brendan said it was a car crash; not a good jive. And that he had nothing more to say
- Carol Ann loved his enthusiasm but said it wasn’t a jive.
Jason Gunn said it was very entertaining and admired his taut physique. Even the usually effusive Candy Lane was at a loss for words. Bye bye Michael.
Judges scores: 2, 3, 1, 3 = 9
Paul "the gnome" Holmes &
Rebecca Nicholson danced the Tango to the James Bond theme song Goldfinger. Unfortunately Paul was not the man with the Midas touch so much as the man with big sticky mitts (check out the photo). Appalling. Wrong movement, he had the timing but not the feel for the music. Rebecca was magnificent but it didn’t look remotely like a tango.
- Judge Alison said she is still waiting for her bribery cheque. She said Rebecca had a major job dragging you around the floor, you need to get down into the knees and lower the shoulders.
- Brendan – it was a bit desperate and you didn’t get into it and drive your lady across the floor. Serious work needed to stay in the competition. Rebecca nodded enthusiastically. That girl must have the patience of a saint.
- Carol Ann enjoyed the drama of it and would like to see him stand up a bit more and drop the shoulders.
- Craig liked the opening concept but thought Paul played it a big smug. In summary it was lame, limp and lacklustre.
Paul responded that he heard that Craig was looking for a mature man in New Zealand and that with a bit of counselling he thought he could be just right for him.
Judges: 3, 5, 2, 5 = 15
Suzanne Paul &
Stefano OlivieriSuzanne still has bruised ribs but you wouldn’t know it from the way she boogied across the dance floor to the melody Hit The Road Jack. Suzanne started in an oversized trench coat which she ripped off to show a sexy little tasselled outfit. That gal has gorgeous pins and her characterisation is great. She really can act. She started to lose energy towards the end which is a shame as it started out with a lot of fire. Stefano Olivieri is really quite cute, what a gorgeous smile. Miss Prozac is thinking of transferring her affections from Brendon the Body to the smooth Stefano. She has visions of him whispering sweet nothings to her in Italian. Mucho Sexy!
- Carol Ann said it was absolutely fantastic. No visible sign of injury. Just great.
- Craig said it was a complete class act. Amazing, fantastic timing. Full of tricky footwork and timing which she mastered. Fab-u-lous. Great booty shaking.
- Alison said she should applaud herself – great assets – her legs and Stefano.
- Brendan said the choreography was superb, great effort and energy but the technique needs work.
There were murmurings of dissent from the other judges and then Craig told Brendan that was absolute rubbish which started the best part of the evening’s entertainment. A fight broke out with Brendan saying he was the one that has done 23 years of ballroom training. In the end Jason Gunn settled them down and moved the show along.
For those of you who are curious about the history between these two,
Craig Revel-Horwood has a reputation for being critical and has taken
Brendan Cole to task on the UK show Strictly Come Dancing. Brendan does not take well to criticism… More on that later, but you can
check out this video to get an idea of the conflict between these two.
Scores: 6, 9, 8, 9 = 32 putting Suzanne Paul and Stefano Olivieri in the early lead.
Megan Alatini and
Jonny WilliamsMegan says this is the hardest dance for her, and talked about the judgement that comes with Dancing With The Stars and the toll it is taking on her. Cry me a river. She is also in this week’s Woman’s Day talking about how she did yoga to lose her excess weight after having a baby.
Dancing the Tango to music Rock Steady, the beginning didn’t seem to suit but the actual dancing was pretty good. I didn’t like the music. There was a hesitation at one point when I wondered if there was a problem and at the dip at the end Jonny Williams nearly dropped her in the death drop!
- Carol Ann said most of the steps should be done with heel leads rather than on the toes. She didn’t think it was her best performance
- Brendan said it wasn’t bad but not as good as the first two weeks however he liked the aggression and the dancing across the floor. He congratulated Jonny Williams on pushing Megan Alatini.
Scores: 7, 7, 8, 8 = 30 so for the first week Megan Alatini does not top the judges’ scoring.
Brendon Pongia and
Hayley Holt sizzled in yellow in their jive routine. It was very energetic but Brendon the Body needed to point his toes more and close his gob. Have you ever noticed how people sometimes open their mouth when they’re concentrating? Seems like Brendon Pongia can’t dance and close the gob at the same time. But he was still a verrrrrry sexy package in his opened necked sparkly shirt and the song, My Sharona suited the dance.
Craig liked the routine itself, but said the feet should be pointed. They stick out like learning plates. Kicks were coming from his hips not his knees and you could drive a semi-trailor through his chasses. There was an interjection from Brendan about technique but unfortunately no more fighting between the two from UK’s Strictly Come Dancing.
Alison said he needed to point his feet, but felt his presence on the dance floor would take him the distance.
Scores 5, 7, 5, 7 = 24
Frank Bunce and
Krystal Stuart were next dancing the Tango to Beat It. Buncey wore black with a pink tie and Krystal Stuart wore a bright shocking pink dress. Sorry, Krystal but you look like a tart in that outfit. Miss Prozac knows you’re not really a slapper but you looked like one and that ruined it for me. There were some good moves but overall the routine was clumsy and awkward in appearance. It also looks like Frank Bunce had the timing wrong when he released Krystal at the end as the drop lacked grace.
Frank Bunce said he had mascara on his hair and whiskers, fake tan and a chest wax. A Maori with a fake tan? Wonder what the whanau think of that?
- Brendan said they started strongly, but mistakes were creeping in, posture failed and his bum was poking out
- Craig said it was one of the most butch tangos that he had seen, transported him to a smoky argentine club. His one complaint is that he wasn’t leading the dance but a good go.
Scores: 6, 7, 7, 7 = 27
Final judges table:
- Suzanne Paul 32
- Megan Alatini 30
- Frank Bunce 27
- Brendon Pongia 24
- Greer Robson 19
- Paul Holmes 15
- Michael Laws 9
Sweet songstress Hayley Westenra entertained us with a song from her new album, Treasure, while votes were being tallied.
Five couples who came top tonight are safe:
- Suzanne Paul & Stefano Olivieri
- Brendon Pongia & Hayley Holt
- Greer Robson & Aaron Gilmore
- Megan Alatini & Jonny Williams
- Paul Holmes & Rebecca Nicholson
This left Frank Bunce and Michael Laws up for elimination. It wasn’t any stretch to guess that Michael Laws would be leaving the show. Michael thanked his partner Lauren de Boeck and his family for their support.
It was a shock to see Frank Bunce in the bottom two. If you look at the judges scores he was ranked third out of seven contestants, so if you like Buncey it might be a good idea to vote for him this week. Then again maybe you should save your money, seeing as
only about 20-25% of the money ends up in the hands of the charities.
Don't forget you can enter the competition for a trip for two to a
Novotel/IBIS hotel at the TVNZ website. The answer to the question is in this post. Good luck and don't forget to invite Miss Prozac to keep you company.
EML's annual awards included the usual collection of hilarious and just plain absurb footage from the year with awards being presented by Jeremy Wells and his team of cartoon characters. And That Guy.
