Greer Robson Voted Best Breasts

Yummy Mummy Greer Robson has been voted Best Kiwi Breasts in the annual Fayreform National Breast Pride Week. Last year's winner was Angela Bloomfield, with radio chick Jay-Jay Feeney taking out the booby prize (runner up) for the second year in a row. Jay-Jay's hoping to win the title next year, but observes that she will need to go on Shortland Street and Dancing With The Stars and have a sprog before voting for next year's title.

The annual awards are designed to celebrate full breasted and curvy women. Other nominees in this year's awards were Aja Rock, Sarah Bradley, Anika Moa, Polly Gillispie, Jayne Kiely and Renee Wright.

The result is decided by public vote with only women eligible to vote. Of course, if men had been voting the result might have been different...

Gutsy Greer dances into hospital

We've all heard about Dancing with the Stars contestants labouring on with broken toes (Michael Laws and Krystal Stuart), cracked ribs (Suzanne Paul), bruises and general aches and pains, but it seems that wee Greer Robson was in some serious pain during her DWTS appearances.

She found herself in hospital after her elimination from the show suffering severe fever and feeling so weak that she couldn't walk to the hospital door. Greer had noticed that she had been feeling weak and fatigued during the show but hadn't realised how serious it was until the doctors told her she had a kidney infection that had resulted in an ulcerated kidney and damage to her liver and gallbladder.

She was kept in hospital for four days on an antibiotic drip and there are questions over her long term health as a result of this illness.

Despite these health challenges gutsy Greer returned for the final episode of Dancing with the Stars are reprised her popular punk Paso Doble with dancing partner Aaron Gilmore. Not a word of her illness was whispered on the final show despite host Jason Gunn going to great pains to make sure the viewers were aware of the hardship that Suzanne Paul endured in dancing while injured.

Related Stories:
Best and Worst of Dancing with The Stars NZ
DWTS Biggest Necklace Competition
Brendan Cole: Suzanne not my #1
Brendan Cole and Candy Lane Jive
DWTS Aftermath

Source: Woman's Day
Images: TVNZ

Best and Worst of Dancing with The Stars NZ

Drum roll please. Here are our awards for this season’s Dancing With The Stars best and worst moments

Sizzle award
New Zealand’s sexiest woman, Hayley Holt, for that Rhumba.

Best judge’s quote
Craig Revel-Horwood: It’s enough to turn a gay man straight
(about Hayley Holt wrapping herself around Brendon Pongia during their Rhumba)

Cheek(s) award
Michael Laws for looking unaccountably hot wiggling his butt during the Jive

Best mascara award

• Runner up: Frank it’s not macho to wear makeup Bunce
• Winner: Michael Laws. What were the make-up gals thinking?

Best Tango
Brendan Cole and Craig Revel-Horwood sniping at each other throughout the competition

The Rodney Hide memorial ‘you call that dancing’ award

• Runner up: Paul Holmes’ Thriller Paso Doble
• Winner: Suzanne Paul’s freestyle dance. Since when does spending half the dance being twirled by your partner followed by manic running around the floor qualify as dancing?

To quote Michael Laws

Stefano Olivieri carried Suzanne for most of her final dance. If I had known you could score `10s' for looking decorous rather than dancing, I would have piggy-backed my partner Lauren for the entire 90 seconds. It may have launched a thousand fetish fantasies but, gee, it might have worked.

Best costume award
This was a toughy. So many gorgeous costumes but in the end the Paso Doble won it.

• 3rd place: Krystal Stuart’s gorgeous Paso Doble dress
• 2nd place: Greer Robson and Aaron Gilmore punk rock Paso Doble
• 1st place: Suzanne Paul and Stefano Olivieri for their PVC Paso Doble

April & Csaba

Tackiest costume

• Runner up: Megan Alatini’s fruity bikini in the Samba
• Winner: April Ieremia’s “naff” High School musical costume

Best necklace
Where to begin? Joint first equal Carol-Ann Hickmore and Krystal Stuart

Taking one for the team award

• Special Merit award: Rebecca Nicholson for dancing with both Tim Shadbolt and Paul Holmes
• Runner up: Michael Laws for dancing with a broken toe. Well he moaned about that a bit, so really the award is for being savvy enough to auction off the funny metal thing he stubbed his toe on and earn an extra $800 for his charity.
• Winner: Krystal Stuart for dancing the Paso Doble with a broken toe and never uttering a word about the injury. Also ongoing bravery for dancing with Rodney Hide and taking the blame for the famous spear tackle fall.

Courage under fire:
Michael Laws for consistently smiling while being systematically taken apart by judge Craig Revel-Horwood

Charity we heard the most about:
The Suzanne Paul help me resurrect my career charity


The ego has landed award:

• Runner up: Paul Holmes for thinking his Paso Doble was good
• Winner: Megan Alatini for failure to accept constructive criticism from the judges without backchat

Most improved award
Jonny Williams – yes I know this is about the celebs but that boy can move and compared to last year he has improved in leaps and bounds.

Best dancer
Stefano Olivieri. How could you fail to win with that set of legs swivelling beside you? Expert, elegant and expressive Stefano Olivieri is one of the best dancers I have had the pleasure of watching. And who couldn’t love that gorgeous big smile?

WTF moment

• Special Merit Award: Megan Alatini for telling the woman’s magazine how she has a ‘secret’ crush on dance partner the week after sharing her passionate bedroom secrets with another woman’s magazine the previous week
• Runner up: Megan Alatini for telling partner Jonny Williams she couldn’t afford to pay him for ongoing dancing lessons. Say what? Didn’t she just get paid to do DWTS? Isn’t her husband on a lucrative playing contract in Japan? She’s not exactly destitute.
• Winner: Suzanne Paul for telling Brendan Cole to “get over himself” and “go have a word for himself” because he dared to do his job and judge her.

Best pins

• Runner up: Suzanne Paul
• Winner: Candy Lane

These women are both similar ages, and wowser, would you take a look at those legs!

Best clanger
Candy Lane for continually muffing her scripted comedy. But we have to give credit (a) to Candy Lane for improving from season 1 and (b) to the script writers for reducing all that scripted nonsense

Smut award
Can only go to the ditzy Alison Leonard who has never heard a word she can’t imbue with some sexual meaning including telling Brendon Pongia women used to dial him for a good time, now they can dial him for good timing

The Forever Friends award for flirtation

• Brendon Pongia and Hayley Holt
• Greer Robson and Aaron Gilmore
• Frank Bunce and Krystal Stuart
• Megan Alatini and Jonny Williams

Dirty Dancing award
Brendan Cole and … anyone! But hey, who wouldn’t line up to dance with a man who can dance like that?

Related Stories:
DWTS Biggest Necklace Competition
Suzanne Crowned Dancing Queen
Brendan Cole: Suzanne not my #1
Brendan Cole and Candy Lane Jive
DWTS Aftermath

Holmes confirms horizontal tango

In his Herald on Sunday column, Paul Holmes commented on the public’s constant speculation about couples taking their dance floor magic into the bedroom.

There is no doubt some who have taken part have found themselves engaged horizontally with their dance partners, such is the power of what Candy Lane, with her ruthless exacting wit, calls ‘the dancing fanny’

However spoilsport that he is he refuses to name names, which leaves Miss Prozac with the task of analysing each of the couples. Oh how she hates to gossip. We have also heard rumours that some of the judges, namely Bad Boy Brendan Cole, have been engaging in a bit of extra dance tuition. There is also gossip that two of the professional dancers are exchanging bodily fluids.

Brendan Cole
We reported earlier that Brendan Cole has been seen dirty dancing with April Ieremia. Of course, that’s hardly news. Brendan has been seen dancing with nearly all the celebrity gals in the show as well as those from Shortland Street, and various celebrity functions.

Verdict
There have been no recent sightings of this pairing so we’re guessing that little romance has bitten the dust.

April Ieremia and Csaba Szirmai
Csaba Szirmai has said that he has a girlfriend but he has also been seen giving April some “extra tuition”. Meanwhile April has been telling all the woman’s gossip magazines that she’s blissfully happy as a single gal. Hmmm maybe she just likes one night stands.

Verdict
Give that gal a few drinks and she’s anyones. We think it would be quicker to ask who April hasn’t slept with.

Paul Holmes and Rebecca Nicholson
No no no no no. This would be just plain wrong. Besides, we’re not sure that The Gnome is up to the job. Between his prostate cancer and osteoarthritis he’d need several blue pills (Viagra for the unenlightened) to keep up with the young and energetic dance partner. If his stilted and wooden performance on the dance floor is anything to go by this would be a very uninspiring way to spend an evening. The lovely and patient Rebecca is dating hunky Blair Strang who was ambulance officer Rangi in Shortland Street. The Gnome is married to

Verdict
Why would Rebecca Nicholson slip between The Gnome’s sheets when she has Blair Strang waiting for her at home. ‘Nuff said.

Michael Laws and Lauren de Boeck
Leggy Lauren de Boeck has shown that she is more than a match for Mayor Michael’s stubborn ways, keeping him on task with dancing, if not in time. We have heard no rumours of any hanky panky with this pairing.

Verdict
After a few hours with Mayor Michael we think Lauren de Boeck is far more likely to be found burying her snout in a bottle of gin than engaging in any horizontal tango.

Megan Alatini and Jonny Williams
Megan is married with three children and the much younger Jonny has a girlfriend. Not that this has ever stopped anyone in the past. No rumours have surfaced about this pairing although hubby Pita was initially apprehensive about the steamy body coupling on the dance floor. And no wonder, rumours were flying that Jonny broke up with his girlfriend during DWTS.

Verdict
Rumours are HOT where this couple are concerned.

Frank Bunce and Krystal Stuart
There have been persistent rumours and gossip about these two, to the point that some newspapers speculated there would be an official announcement that they are a couple. Both Frank and Krystal have publicly denied any romantic involvement. Frank insists he’s happily partnered to Carla Rawson and Krystal Stuart says the slutty dancing is an attempt to win votes. She even went so far as to tell Herald on Sunday that Frank is old enough to be her father! Instead she says they will be friends forever.

Verdict
Friends forever is code for we did it but now we’ve been caught so we had to call it off. Of course they did it!

Greer Robson and Aaron Gilmore
Yet another couple that have promised to be friends forever. In the last show Aaron was seen kissing Greer on the end and showing extreme affection. Both are married. Greer has two children and plans to add a third to the brood. Let’s hope he has husband Scott’s features.

Verdict
Friends forever… Of course they did it!

Suzanne Paul and Stefano Olivieri
The matching star tattoos is suggestive (of idiocy and masochism) but Stefano Olivieri has told GayNZ that he is looking for a man.

Verdict
We think this an unlikely horizontal coupling

Brendon Pongia and Hayley Holt
The two bodies of the competition. How could they resist each other? Both have made public denials of any romance and as they are both single there is no reason for them to be coy. However we have already seen that Hayley Holt is good at keeping secrets. Treasure Island the Pirates of the Pacific was filmed many months ago and Hayley managed to keep mum about her winnings prompting partner Brendon Pongia to say that he didn’t find out she’d won until the show aired.

Verdict
Hayley Holt could keep secrets from the KGB. Anything is possible and let’s just say we wouldn’t be surprised if there is something extra going on.

The Life of an A-List Celeb

It’s a hard life but someone’s got to do it.

These last few weeks New Zealand’s A-list celebs (i.e. those currently appearing in Dancing With The Stars) are enjoying a frenzy of free champagne and parties in the name of fundraising and celebration. It’s no wonder Super Seller Suzanne Paul begged to be on Dancing With The Stars. Literally overnight the bankrupt star has been the subject of talk over the water cooler, had a fetching pink star tattooed on her thigh and been welcomed with open arms by the very same people whose money she lost in Karaoke tourism venture Rawaka. To be fair, she is doing her best to repay everyone. And this year she got her reward. According to Woman’s Day

I’ve put my name down to do Dancing With The Stars every year

I guess that means they got her cheap. Suzanne ‘But, wait there’s more’ Paul knows how to close a deal and this one will be paying big dividends.

Despite not being a cast member of Shortland Street, she joined a bunch of famous names at their 15th anniversary shindig. Megan Alatini was on hand to welcome everyone onto the red carpet and clearly enjoyed her moment gushing enthusiasm and air kissing the likes of Tem and Blair Strang (with girlfriend Rebecca Nicholson). Joining the party were bad boy Brendan Cole, Good Morning host Brendon Pongia, his dance partner Hayley Holt, Candy Lane and Paul Holmes. Also ex cast members Angela Bloomfield, Shane Cortese, David Wikaira Paul, Theresa Healey and Greer Robson who have all been part of Dancing With The Stars. Is anyone noticing a theme here?

Brendan Cole was seen dirty dancing with nurse Toni (Laura Hill), and it’s clear this gent prefers blondes. He was also seen last month at a celebrity poker tournament lusting after Aja Rock and Miss New Zealand Laural Barrett who both spurned his advances, as did TV3 weather gal Toni Marsh.

Gorgeous Greer Gone from DWTS

This episode’s "doh" moment:

• Suzanne Paul for suggesting that her rhumba with partner Stefano Olivieri would start rumours of a mad passionate affair… when we know he’s gay

This episode’s highlights:

• Thank gawd! Someone let Candy Lane do the presenting without the lame jokes. Much better. She finally sounded like the intelligent woman she is.
• Judge Alison Leonard actually commented on the dancing instead of trying to make smutty remarks. She couldn't resist trying to be clever but it was a drastic improvement. It's almost as if someone from TVNZ is reading this blog... [Miss Prozac briefly gets lost in dreams of being asked to guest on Dancing with the Stars and take her pick of the men for the evening]
  
• Brendon Pongia sweeping Hayley Holt off her feet in the ballroom proving that a simple but well executed routine, showing appropriate character and mood scores better than packing in lots of “tricks”

Tonight each couple must dance one Latin and one Ballroom dance that they have not yet done. That means learning two challenging routines in the space of a week, and the pressure showed. After watching this show it became clear to me just how good Shane Cortese and Norm Hewitt, from the final of Season 1 of Dancing with the Stars were at the same point in the competition. While the overall standard is high this season, I feel Norm and Shane were better than any of this year's crop of celebs.


Megan Alatini & Jonny Williams : Paso Doble

Miss Prozac was so agog at Megan Alatini’s performance in this opening number that she forgot to take notes. Spellbinding choreography from dancing partner Jonny Williams and a dramatic performance from this couple. An exciting start to the evening. Miss Prozac almost forgot how much she despises the smug and egotistical Megan ‘Look at me, I’m a Star’ Alatini. Oh how she wishes Megan was going to sing in the Ultimate Pop Star contest where she suspects some judges would enjoy dishing out their opinions.This was a fabulous routine and deserved good marks.

Judges:

• Brendan: Another ambitious routine and you coped fantastically but I thought it lacked energy in some places
• Carol Ann: Great ending. I liked the use of the two false endings, great choreography. You made hard bits look effortless! Careful of heel leads.
• Craig: Loved it! I disagree with Brendan - it was full of energy and great choreography
• Alison: Great energy. Careful of head movements.

Scores: 8, 8, 8, 8 = 32

Someone from TVNZ must have whispered in her ear that audiences don’t like Tall Poppies who poke their heads up and argue with judges. Megan said how much she appreciated the opportunity to be in the competition and sounded suitably humble. Boy that gal can act! Once again Miss Prozac checks over her shoulder as she has the spooky sensation that someone out there is reading this blog…

Suzanne Paul & Stefano Olivieri : Rhumba

Suzanne Paul says this is the dance that will start rumours all over New Zealand that they’re having a mad passionate affair. Err does she know he’s gay? Perhaps he’s bi but even so, this statement stretches credibility.

Suzanne looked sensational in black! Stefano Olivieri really gets into the part. He emoted. She didn’t. Normally these two click together but this week I just didn’t buy it. Suzanne Paul must be taking lessons from Paul The Gnomes Holmes as she had his stiff, sticky hands down to a fine art. The hip movement didn’t come off and it felt like she was dragging her feet. There were some nice lifts and highlights but the dance lacked the Latin feel.

Judges comments:

• Craig Revel-Horwood: Your relationship let you down, playacting wasn’t not dirty enough, looked like you’d been through a divorce and had to dance, lumpy and disappointing
• Alison: Mad Butcher wants you to work at the sausage factory in charge of the sizzle department, and your husband fell off his chair
• Brendan: Sold it from the upper half, but lower half didn’t happen
• Carol Ann: Enjoyed it, not your best dance, would like to see more romance in it, but you are still the envy of all women half your age

Scores: 6, 6, 6, 7 = 25


Greer Robson & Aaron Gilmore : Jive

According to host Jason Gunn, Aaron Gilmore used to be a personal trainer and has been working Greer Robson hard over the last few weeks. Greer said has she been very focused this week on learning two dances and finding it a struggle.

They really are the cutest couple. She is such a pretty thing. Some of the footwork looked heavy. It didn’t have the lightness and energy and she looked like she was dragging behind on timing. The feet looked a bit wide apart, but the flicks were all straight and she looked like she was having fun. Ended with great lifts.

Judges:

• Alison: Some nice moves but basics lacking. Heel didn’t caress the floor on the back step and that’s important
• Carol Ann: Little bit stiff, need to get into the knees and pump into it. Need to relax in middle body and hips. Little bit heavy
• Craig Revel-Horwood: your timing was a little bit behind because you don’t anticipate beat, stompy, choreography was disappointing and the transitions didn’t flow
• Brendan – looked like you were riding a horse, legs completely apart all the time, but nice energy and you sold it

Scores 6, 6, 7, 7 = 26


Brendon Pongia & Hayley Holt : Paso Doble

After being in the bottom two last week, they’ve had a wake up and he will pick his game up. He says she’s a great teacher and he feels he’s letting her down.

Brendon had his thumb out like he was hitching a ride. Dramatic but somehow forced and the movement was a bit jerky. Disappointingly there wasn’t even much of an opportunity to ogle his hips.

Judges:

• Carol Ann: You did a great job, a few odd things happening with the hands, stiff through the body, one of your best dances, great matador
• Brendan: Great commitment level, and attitude, a few dodgy moments but I was held the whole time
• Alison – lifted your game and danced like a man
• Craig Revel-Horwood: can see the hard work, your commitment to strength meant you became stilted and wooden, more like a boxing match than a dance.
• Hayley Holt said hey it’s the boxing music. Craig Revel-Horwood said music yes but shouldn’t be a boxing dance

Scores 7, 7, 6, 8 = 28

After one round the scores are:

1. Megan 32
2. Brendon 28
3. Greer 26
4. Suzanne 25

Megan Alatini & Jonny Williams : Quickstep

Nice variation in timing during the routine and beautiful execution. Lovely choreography and a great performance. I’ve wracked my brains but I couldn’t see anything wrong with this performance.

Judges:

• Alison: Four words – some missing heel leads
• Craig Revel-Horwood: Heel leads are so dull, that was fantastic, you fly across the floor with great verve
• Brendan: Completely nailed that dance, flew around the floor, sell it Megan you looked like you were hanging on
• Carol Ann: Awesome, great timing fantastic scatter chasses, well done

Scores 8, 9, 9, 8 = 34


Suzanne Paul & Stefano Olivieri : Tango

This was a much better performance from Super Seller Suzanne Paul and Stefano Olivieri, although I couldn’t help feeling Suzanne looked old with her hair in that style. It was too young and perky for a 50 year old gal, even one with great pins. The characterisation was great – they had the drama and character.

Judges:

• Brendan Cole: Passion, drama, an absolutely gripping dance. Well done guys
• Alison: Don’t have a natural glow, more like the unbelievable shine of a star
• Carol Ann: So much passion and performance, great footwork
• Craig: The anger did something for that dance, that was truly amazing

Scores 9, 9, 9, 9 = 36 top score so far for the night


Greer Robson & Aaron Gilmore : Quickstep

Greer Robson looked pretty in pink, but she struggled with the routine and it was clear she missed some steps and forgot the routine. Once again there were timing issues and a lack of polish but she looked the part and was clearly enjoying herself.

Judges:

• Craig Revel-Horwood bit more like it, choreography well thought through showed Greer Robson to maximum potential, would like more body contact through it, and still some timing issues
• Brendan: Tough ask for anyone to do both fast dances, unfortunate you forgot your place in a few spots
• Carol Ann: Hard ask, pretty good job, looked like you were running behind Aaron Gilmore, looked a little unrehearsed in some bits
• Alison: liked how you don’t wear it on your face when things go wrong in footwork, Aaron good job nursing her through it and taking care of her on the dance floor

Scores: 7, 7, 7, 7 = 28


Brendon Pongia & Hayley Holt : Waltz

Hayley Holt says Brendon Pongia is more a ballroom dancer and people will be surprised. I tend to agree the waltz suited him and they looked elegant and connected. A simple routine but executed nicely if not brilliantly. Good job and they really looked the part.

Judges:

• Alison: thought that was rather lovely, good timing, people usually dial him for a good time this time will be for good timing
• Carol Ann: Absolutely beautiful, just great, wanted to push Hayley Holt out of the way and jump in
• Craig seconded that. He also wanted to jump in and join Brendon on the dance floor. Looked like lovers, lagging behind technically but make up for it in watchability
• Brendan: a touch of class and a nice bit of magic to end the show with

Scores: 9, 10, 9, 10 = 38 Top score for the night and the first time two 10s have been awarded.

Full-time Scores
and the top two pairs are tied for first place

Megan Alatini 32 + 34 = 66
Brendon Pongia 28 + 38 = 66
Suzanne Paul 25 + 36 = 61
Greer Robson 26 + 28 = 54

Elimination
The elimination came down to Greer Robson and Suzanne Paul. Four very worried faces before Greer Robson and Aaron Gilmore were eliminated.

Greer looked gracious in defeat and said she had made a friend for life in Aaron. To which he responded by giving her a kiss. Lots of affection there! Then he gave her another kiss during their final dance. They really did look like a cute couple - not that Miss Prozac is one to start unsubstantiated rumours.

Next week the semi finals

DWTS Episode 5 Video Links

Speedlinking to the TVNZ video clips relating to episode 5.

In most cases there is a 30 second advertisement preceding the dance clip, although in one case the advertisement was a painful 47 seconds. I have tried to edit the links to skip the advertisements, but I'm not sure if I defeated the TVNZ javascript. There are dial up and broadband viewing options available.

Brendan Cole and Candy Lane

Brian Jones (who last year partnered Beatrice Faumuina in Dancing With The Stars Season 2) discusses the show and the performances (3' 45")

Hayley Holt & Brendon Pongia interview on Breakfast prior to Episode 5 (4' 30")


Candy Lane & Brendan Cole Waltz (30" dancing)


Brendon Pongia and Hayley Holt Samba (30" dancing)


Suzanne Paul and Stefano Olivieri Samba (30" dancing)


Paul Holmes and Rebecca Nicholson Samba (30" dancing)


Megan Alatini and Jonny Williams Samba (30" dancing)


Greer Robson and Aaron Gilmore Samba (30" dancing)


Group Swing Waltz (30" dancing)

Note
' = minutes
" = seconds

Fruity Bikinis & Hip Action on Dancing with the Stars

This episode’s gripes:

• No thrills and spills – come back Buncey and Krystal all is forgiven
• Where was the promised hip action from Brendon the Body Pongia?
• More corny scripted jokes that fall flat. Who writes that crap?

This episode’s highlights:

• Candy Lane & Brendan Cole strutting their stuff on the dance floor. Memo to Krystal - you don’t have to drape yourself all over your man to look romantic and emotional on the dance floor.
• The gloves were off! Brendan Cole & Craig Revel-Horwood sniped at each other during the judging

Tonight is the first night that all the celebs have to dance two separate dances – a group dance and an individual dance. Tension is rising and Candy Lane gives another corny scripted joke. This could be the “turning point”. Hmmm pretty weak dancing joke.

The dancers will start with the Samba – the Latin party dance followed by the group dance - The Swing Waltz – a graceful and expressive New Vogue dance.

Brendon Pongia & Hayley Holt

Host Jason Gunn informs us the hips are back. Last week Brendon Pongia impressed with a graceful foxtrot that made partner Hayley Holt proud. This week they Samba to a Latin version of In The Mood


The hips were back. Sort of. Unfortunately the fly catching gob was also back. Poor chap can’t concentrate on dancing and keeping his gob shut. I was a bit disappointed. Having been promised hip action I was hoping for something a bit more fluid and hopefully in time to the Latin rhythms, but he didn’t get into the timing and rhythm until the end. Miss Prozac thinks it’s time she offered Brendon the Body some tuition in hip action.

Candy Lane pointed out that Brendon the Body had waxed his hairy chest. Brendon Pongia put in a word for his partner Hayley Holt, winner of this year’s Treasure Island the Pirates of the Pacific.

Judges

• Brendan Cole was not impressed. There was no rotation through the hips. No excitement in the body.
• Carol Ann says he needs to bend the legs and relax and rotate the hips
• Craig Revel-Horwood: It was stiff, out of time, and looked like they were wrestling each other. A fight broke out at this point when Brendan Cole said Brendon the Body was in time. But it seemed to me that Carol Ann was nodding in agreement with Craig. Miss Prozac certainly thought the timing was suspect.
• Alison says it is a difficult dance to isolate body parts but big thumbs up for having a big smile for the party dance. Oh who cares? I wasn’t looking at his mouth, I wanted hips! I was promised hip action!!!

Scores: 4, 6, 5, 6 = 21

Suzanne Paul & Stefano Olivieri

Suzanne Paul and Stefano Olivieri visit a tattoo parlour where they get stars tattooed on the chest for him and the leg for her. Stefano was seen earlier this week showing off his tatt at a gay night spot. Jason Gunn quipped that it was Dancing with the Scars.

Suzanne Paul was a vision in pink with tassels dancing to Dean Martin’s Hey Mambo. Something went wrong with their first drop, not sure what happened, but there was a bit of a fumble. I have to stop a moment and admire her calves – they are looking increasingly muscled. Looks like Stefano is working her hard. She had the timing down pat but some of the polish and energy was lacking. She looked like she was struggling. They ended with a great lift and it was a complex routine.

Oh gawd. More corny one liners from Candy Lane and Jason Gunn and what Candy would like tattooed on her arm. Someone shoot the script writers before next week’s show. folks this is meant to be “live” TV not canned one-liners.

Judges:

• Alison – liked the costuming. She explained that the dance requires a lot of control but said nothing about the dancing. Oh well, guess it was better than the usual smutty innuendo.
• Brendan Cole - Lot of stiffness through the top but generally a good attempt. Disappointed that there weren’t timing changes through the dance (although Candy Lane later commented that there were timing changes). What has Brendan Cole been sniffing? He doesn’t seem to be on the ball tonight.
• Carol Ann really liked it. Much better than last week. Good samba rolls. A bit stiff, needs to be soft through the middle
• Craig Revel-Horwood – a very difficult dance and you are one of the best dancers so it goes to prove how difficult the dance is. You took the floor and owned the space. Ye gads. Sounds like he’s been listening to the New Zealand Idol judges. Your neck was stiff and you messed up a section in the middle but you took me to Rio and did well, Darling.

Score: 7, 8, 7, 7, = 29


Paul Holmes & Rebecca Nicholson

How will Paul Holmes top last week’s ‘Thriller’ performance. News reader Bernadine Oliver Kerby tells him to fake it until he makes it. One imagines he’s heard that before.

Paul Holmes struggles to lift Rebecca Nicholson

The Gnome looked like a porky cowboy in his red fringed top and holding maracas dancing to Iko Iko. At times it looked like he was trying to lasso the charming Rebecca. I have to admit that Rebecca Nicholson is a choreographic genius with these old-timers, but The Gnome still looked he was doing a comedy show not a dance. My goodness you should have heard the crowd roar with delight. It’s scary how much support he has. The lift at the end looked like a big effort for The Gnome. Come on Paul, I doubt she weighs more than 50kg sopping wet.

The Gnome announced that next week he wants to do a spear tackle. I’m thinking the audience might vote to save Rebecca from that indignity. She probably paid all her friends to vote for the other dancers.

• Craig Revel-Horwood: Lumpy awkward and a complete dance disaster. Sub-standard. I hope he has lots of fans because he will need it. People need to remember it is a dance competition and that wasn’t dancing.
• Alison says the dance needs a body tick and his ticks need drenching
• Brendan: You’re an entertainer rather than a dancer. Great job Rebecca Nicholson on getting the best out of your partner. The scary part is that he gave Paul the same score as Brendon. Miss Prozac is still wondering what Brendan Cole has been sniffing.
• Carol Ann: We were terrified in anticipation, but thought it was his best dance. His timing was good even though he didn’t have the hip action. She thought he gave it a very good shot. Was she actually watching, or was she cringing behind her hands like Miss Prozac?
  

Scores: 4, 5, 2, 5 = 16


Megan Alatini and Jonny Williams

Megan Alatini definitely looks ready for a night in Rio with her brightly coloured outfit with bananas emblazoned on her breasts err bikini top. A South African version of Carmen Miranda. She has a lovely body. Unfortunately she knows it.

Hey! Hold the remote. What’s she doing wearing Nerida’s Rhumba outfit in the video clips?

A very impressive Samba from this pair. Raunchy, fun and well choreographed. At times too bouncy but on the whole superb dancing from New Zealand Idol judge Megan Alatini. She definitely had the hip action and they ended with a spectacular lift. Verrrrrry impressed. If she is in the bottom two tonight it will be a travesty. Although we still think she looks way too smug.

Judges:

• Carol Ann – Youthline should be very proud because you can dance, your Samba rolls were great. Very exciting, hit your lines well, very impressive
• Craig Revel-Horwood loved that you threw your entire body and soul into it. Naturally gifted with rhythm. But your neck lurching forward and not having control of your topline ruined it for me. Fantastic otherwise.
• Alison – Jonny working you very hard. And then some smutty sexual innuendo.
• Brendan Cole: You’ve got the talent and the brilliance. You threw so much into the routine that it lacked variety and softness and control. Megan tried to argue with him, which Miss Prozac thinks that was a bad move that is likely to alienate voters.

Scores: 7, 8, 8, 8 = 31 best score of the night so far and deservedly so.

Greer Robson & Aaron Gilmore

Looking lovely in turquoise blue Greer Robson and Aaron Gilmore took to the floor dancing to KT Tunstall’s Black Horse and The Cherry Tree. Love that tune. Reminds me of the cute Jack from Men in Trees. Hmmmmm. Wonder if we could get him to come to New Zealand and dance in Dancing With The Stars. Now that would be a treat.

It was a little jerky and she had her head jutting forward. Some of the footwork was untidy but it was a good effort. She looked like she was partying. And wowser those legs! That exercise has done wonders on those pins of Greer’s.

Judges:

• Brendan lovely way to finish. A good job. Missing sense of urgency in the body. Nice rhythmical job
• Alison always one couple that improve every week and I think you’re it. Using her acting skills as well as learning the routine
• Carol Ann last week was a hard week to follow because you nailed the Paso Doble. There were some heel leads (should be toe) and looked a little fragile in some places. But still good
• Craig Unconventional and you dance dangerously which can only help you. Your funky free arm needs attention but otherwise good.

Scores: 7, 7, 8, 7 = 29 placing them second equal.


Leaderboard after one dance

• Megan Alatini 31
• Greer Robson 29
• Suzanne Paul 29
• Brendon Pongia 21
• Paul Holmes 16

Group Dance: New Vogue Swing Waltz

This is a good opportunity to compare the celebs against each other doing the same dances and steps. Hayley Holt and Megan Alatini win in the costume department and looked spectacular. Funnily enough Suzanne looked pudgy next to the other skinny gals. She’s got quite a thick waist. Fortunately she’s smart enough to make sure everyone looks at her pins and the lovely pink tattoo.

The routine itself was a simple sequence repeated for 90 seconds. I was entranced by the music, Dave Dobbin’s Welcome Home. What a fabulous choice. The routine was unmarred by any pushing or shoving, despite The Gnome’s flat-footed efforts.

The judges’ comments were complete confusion:

• Craig: said Brendon and Hayley looked great together. But boxy arms ruined that. Need more flow to it. Doing skipping and chasses instead of waltzing. Should be even
• Liked Greer and Aaron, but she needs to keep shoulders her down
• There were general comments that no one did the steps correctly and that the required toe to heel closes were missing. They whizzed through the scores but the bottom line is that Megan was the best, closely followed by Suzanne and Paul was the worst. And Craig and Brendan still loathe each other.
• Alison said something about how lucky Suzanne was dancing with a ballroom boy and how lovely it was. Sorry Miss Prozac is getting into the bad habit of switching off whenever Alison tries to come up with clever remarks. She promises to try harder next week