Tonight on New Zilind’s Stars in Their Eyes “where people just like you" transform into their favourite stars, the jokes got even lamer with Simon Barnett targeting one legged divorcee Heather Mills. If you’re going to be politically incorrect, you should at least try to be funny.
Simon has been busy with his thesaurus and had a whole bunch of empty superlatives to toss at us. Tonight’s adjectives du jour were stunning, outstanding, brillyint and superb.
Simon outdid himself tonight with his declaration of love on prime time telly and the Candy Lane Dancers forgot to get dressed for their final number.
Deryn Trainer as Billy Joel: Piano Man
Even if you didn’t know this chap is a professional Billy Joel impersonator, one look at him would have given it away. Tinkling the ivories and playing the harmonica, this guy really looks the part and sings in tune, but if you close your eyes the voice doesn’t sound anything like Billy Joel. You can hear a medley of Deryn's Billy Joel songs here.
Simon said he was just stunning. Brillyint.
Sarah McBride as Kylie Minogue: Can’t Get You Out of My Head
There were moments when Sarah sounded like Kylie but she needed more power in her voice and seemed to miss the high notes. Only average but Simon pronounced her outstanding.
Mitch Golner as Neil Young: Heart of Gold
Another professional muso takes to the stage, this one with guitar and harmonica. The voice is similar to Neil Young’s but Mitch doesn’t do it justice. Disappointing.
Shock, horror - Si thought the singing was superb. In fact it was extra extra superb, with three superbs and a stunning to his credit. Could someone please tell Simon to ration himself and stick to just five lies in an episode?
Lisa Jimmieson as Christine McVie: You Make Loving Fun
Great start. The voice sounded almost exactly like the original but lacked strength.
Someone forgot to dress the Candy Lane Dancers tonight and they danced in their nighties. Perhaps they have a pyjama party to go to later?
Simon said that was lovely. I really love you. Huh? He was also holding hands with Sarah. What’s up Si? Are you having a wee snifter of brandy in the ad breaks?
Vanessa Abernethy as Melissa Etheridge: Like The Way I Do
Wow. The first note and the voice were - to steal an adjective from Simon – stunning. She sounded just like Melissa Etheridge. However she couldn’t sustain it for the entire song. There was a lot of shouting in a smoky voice. Simon said, “You’re like the real thing, you’re like a bona fide rock star.”
The result? It was a foregone conclusion after the audience gave Billy Joel a standing ovation, but Melissa Etheridge sounded more like the original.
Tuesday, 13 May 2008
Stars in Their Eyes: The Lamest Episode Yet
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5 comments:
Ah, my weekly fix of really bad tv is over and done with for another week. Miss Prozac - I am in total agreement with you on everything apart from Kylie being "average". She was totally, utterly and absolutely appalling. The poor love wasnt helped by the frightful wig and the tat they tried to pass off as the outfit that Kylie wore on the original video which ended up looking like a bad attempt for a star wars fancy dress party. The poor womans makeup looked like it had been slapped on by one of the mums doing face painting at the local primary school fair.
Candy Lanes flying monkeys need to get a new mistress as their prancing and twirling does nothing to help the performances and surely some reputable designer / menswear shop must be able to dress Simon instead of whatever blind person from hallensteins is dressing him now. All in all another satisfying disaster and I am fulfilled until next weeks instalment.
You're right, absolutely right.
I was too tired last night and missed several important points. Thankfully you had your eagle eyes on the box
As for the suit, last I looked they are provided by the very expensive World Men. Helpful shopping tip - look elsewhere.
The Candy Lane choreo and costumes are an embarrassment. The prancing in nighties was inane.
Did you see that Shakira and Blondie have been hired as pro impersonators?
The dynamic duo that is Denise L'estrange Corbet and Francis Hooper obviously cant be watching what is filling their suit on Tuesday evenings. Im sure they would have put a stop to the tarnish this is causing World. Although personally since World started selling the kiddy tshirts in the Warehouse, they are falling out of my good books. Surely they could have provided more than one suit? Also a decent shirt and tie wouldnt go amiss, maybe Simons wife Jodie is actually dressing him out of remnants in the vast walk in wardrobe of their sea side mansion.
Is terribly embarressing that Shakira and Blondie have been hired as "pro" impersonators. Surely it will be a huge kick in the teeth when the nannies at the workingmens club boo and heckle them off stage waiting for Elvis to appear.
I wonder if there is a "pro" Simon Barnett impersonator. Maybe they could put him on 'stars' instead of the real one as anything - even Jason Gunn would be better than Simon. Is quite a shame that Simon gone so dreadfully downhill as i used to quite enjoy 'face the music'. Maybe Jodie is overspending his million+ wages pack from More FM and Simon is on verge of bankruptcy and so forced to do 'stars' by bank balance? Hmmm - we could be onto something here Miss Prozac - maybe we need to get some trash mag onto it to do an in depth investigation. Or maybe Simons teenage daughter Sophie is on P and Simon forced to to tragic telly to pay for precocious teens habit.
And who writes his script? That Heather Mills joke was... lame. Holy cow. And he couldn't even deliver it properly
It's making Miss Prozac nostalgic for Jase and the Dominator. We have so much better talent.
Looks more like Si is the one on drugs. He just seems to be completely out of it and uncomfortable. And that's not just the suit pinching him under the armpits. It's like it's his first job, he's all at sea.
With ratings like these looks like he'll get another chance next season. Something for you to look forward to
As for Shakira, she looks cute. I can see her going down a treat in her tight pants at conferences. And Blondie would be the comic moment
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